Fear and Anger.

I have anger problems, and this is what my father told me once, “Mary, anger is one letter away from danger.

Well, I guess anger is dangerous, take it from someone who can’t really forgive and forget, but keeps it all bottled up inside, getting angrier by the year. It makes you rude, always on guard, as in you always have to defend yourself when someone says something about of too you. Live is very hard, in fact I can’t talk to other people! I can’t say hi to people, and when my brother and father or mother say hi to some while walking with me, I get butterflies in my stomach, and lower my head without even thinking it a natural reaction!

The thing I fear is the people being me too me! (Even though I’m pretty mean myself. I don’t try to, I just do it without thinks… like a instinct!)

But fear is something that you tell yourself is scary.That’s what my father told me, its not the meaning from the dictionary. So I have to stop telling my self my biggest fear is other people. Thin it will no long be my fear. That’s just the way it works!

(Your brain learns by repetition).

My answer to the question, ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’

So Mary what do you want to be when you grow up?”

I have been asked this all my life! I use to answer; “A vet.”

But now I answer; “I don’t now. Maybe a technician, or an engineer, or a scientist!”

I learned more about myself. My Holland Code, my values, and what careers go with them! So I still don’t know the answer to that question, but I will soon…I hope. 

(P.S I never understood the purpose of asking that question, could some one explain it to me? Please.)

My Joy during Christmas.

To some its the presents, others its the parties, lights.

But for me its being with the people that love and care about me.

(I’m writing this on Christmas day. During the Heat vs. Clavs game. Heat win!!)

Anyway back to the main topic.

This was maybe my best Christmas… until a better one comes along. Not because of the present I got. (I really don’t celebrate Christmas… and didn’t get a present, like every year.) But it was still great we had a Christmas brunch with my family and two friends. (My old neighbor, and a nice lady my mom and I help).

In the end this was the best Christmas for family and friends!

Merry Christmas!

A World where Money doesn’t exist.

A world were money doesn’t exist…I know that sound horrible, but just hear me out. You might change your minds!

Why do people steal food?

Because the can’t BUY food.(As in with money).

Why do people steal… anything?

Because the need it or want it but… don’t… have… the…MONEY!!!!😒

So imagine a world were no one had ever heard of seen money, as in money was never invented!  People just take what they need and just walk out, no lines no payments nothing just in get what’s needed and out… simple. No need for robberies. We could help the people in Africa, you know places that need a little helping hand. Just get on the airplane, or boat, bring what the people need there that’s all you need to do no money handling, bills… nothing.

Now, grownups what is you biggest worry? Paying bills, mortgage, everyday expenses, your child’s collage education?

Well, what is the same about all those things? Money!!!!

…I rest my case.

Frozen. Message hiden behind “Let it go.”

I so totally LOVE Frozen!! I know “Do you want to Build a Snowman”, “Let it go”, “In Summer”, and “For the First Time in Forever”!

But… some things that Elsa says is well… you’ll see what I’m trying to say.

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight,
not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I’m the queen.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside.
Couldn’t keep it in, Heaven knows I tried.
 *Don’t let them in, don’t let them see.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.
Well, now they know!*

Let it go, let it go!
Can’t hold it back any more.
Let it go, let it go!
 *Turn away and slam the door.
I don’t care what they’re going to say.
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway.*

It’s funny how some distance,
makes everything seem small.
And the fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do,
to test the limits and break through.
 *No right, no wrong, no rules for me.
I’m free!*

Let it go, let it go.
I am one with the wind and sky.
Let it go, let it go.
You’ll never see me cry.
Here I’ll stand, and here I’ll stay.
Let the storm rage on.

My power flurries through the air into the ground.
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back; the past is in the past!

Let it go, let it go.
And I’ll rise like the break of dawn.
Let it go, let it go
 *That perfect girl is gone*
Here I stand, in the light of day.

*Let the storm rage on!
The cold never bothered me anyway…*

*Don’t let them in, don’t let them see.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.
Well, now they know!*.                                 

Ok, it started with what her father had been telling her. But then finishes with; “Well, now they know!” (This give my the idea that she is saying; forget what dad said! He’s not even here anymore!)

*Turn away and slam the door.
I don’t care what they’re going to say.
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway.*

This next part I selected, is she saying slam the door… yet again in Anna’s face? And by; “I don’t care what they’re going tot say,” does she mean what her parents would say if they were still alive? “Let the storm rage on the cold never bothered me anyway”… she is the cold of course the cold can’t bother the cold!!

*No right, no wrong, no rules for me.
I’m free!*

If only this could be true! That is a pure sing of rebellion agents everything her father taught her!!

*That perfect girl is gone*

Is that not what her father wanted her to be? (Great job Elsa honoring you mother and father! They would be soo proud).

*Let the storm rage on!
The cold never bothered me anyway…*

Same thing. SHE IS THE COLD!!!

In the end I still love Frozen… and Elsa for that matter. But the song let it go doesn’t have a good message. (I still love the song, though). 🙂

Thoughts about Life. Civil War.

Civil war…gives me the shivers just thinking about it! Americans fighting Americans? Come on!! Well, that what I am going to be talking about…The American Civil War.

The fighting began in April of 1861, when the battle of fort Sumter in South Carolina. The confederate wanted to control this fort…because…well South Carolina is a confederate state. The South won the battle, and the war began.

The North lost lots of battle at the beginning, for example the battle at Bull Run. Oh, and people would sit on a near hill…and watch the fighting! (Crazy!!!) The reason why the North was losing is believed to be that the South had Robert E. Lee. But the North found an answer to him.

Ulysses S. Grant!! The battle in Shiloh, Tennessee had around 3,400 deaths! Then the Emancipation Proclamation freed all slaves in the Southern States! (Slavery ended after the Civil war).

The battle of Gettysburg was the bloodiest battle. 51,000 casualties, and 6,700 people dead! After that it was Sherman’s March to the Sea, he and his troops devastated the state of Georgia! He burned crops, took the food, killed livestock, and wrecking the local infrastructure!

Lee surrendered at Appomattox Court House, Virginia on April 9, 1865. Great!!! Right?

Well, five days later Abraham Lincoln was assassinated!! His killer John Wilkes Booth, a Maryland Actor who was angry about the South’s defeat!! (Anger; another emotion that we must learn to control).